I have come to realize that it just gets harder to manage house and home and routine the more kids you have...I know a lot of you might really be snickering at this comment and wondering why it's taken my FOUR children to figure this out, and I do not have a very good explanation.
I think some reasons...when Bryant was born I was in school so it just had to work-I was stubborn and did not want to quit school with just one year left; when Kayelynn was born I was the most calm about a child entering my home and treasured every minute I had with her and Bryant; Sarah was somewhat of a surprise (yes, it's possible to experience a surprise child) but I was working full-time and knew that I would continue working after she arrived and somehow it just worked into life; with Lydia life turned upside down from the minute we found out we were expecting her and hasn't stopped and I don't want her to feel unwelcomed and not get the attention that I'm used to giving the other children.
I feel as if I am a new mom with 4 children that are all of a sudden my responisbility, but that I have an advantage in the sense that I know the children and their "quarks"...I just don't know how to handle the quarks mixed with the constant change of life and keeping up with the necessary household "chores"...our routine has really been altered since the arrival of Lydia and we are slowly getting it back, but I think it's going to take a lot more time than just a few weeks to get back into the swing of things.
I know I am not the only one that can experience feelings of doubt, frustration, and inadequacy, but sometimes I feel like the only one that can't figure out how to "fix" it!!! I have so much anxiety and I don't know how to get control-whether any of you believe this or not-I used to be so, so organized. I used to have plans/to-do lists/goals/order that I never worried about what I was doing, what needed to happen or how I was feeling because it just was the way it was and I was content with it...I didn't lose control, now I feel like I don't even know when I'm going to wakeup and eat, let alone get everything done that's bottled up in my head.
Don't get me wrong I don't just lay in bed wondering what to do, but there are so many things that have to get done that I sometimes don't know where to start and how to not be frustrated when I didn't get it done or that I didn't fulfill my mommy-ness for the day. I am getting too worried about being a good mom that I have let other things slip and it affects being a good mom, does any of this make sense? Has anyone else ever felt like this? Do I sound like I need to be sent to the local crazy hospital? I don't mean to come across like I've lost all control and my kids are neglected, or that I'm losing my faith/testimony, I just need some suggestions to make life easier!!!
If I could ask for help and actually get it, it would be for a professional organizer to come into my home and help me see the areas that would accomplish simple, quick, easy, happy living spaces. I know I've been rambling and I apologize, but I just have to say it somehow and by writing it I can "vent" without interruptions and I can just get it off my chest. Too many people have said recently that they "admire what I do" and I just want to scream!!!!! I don't feel like I'm doing anything right or well and I want to be a fly on the wall to see a different perspective and how I can make things work better for me and my family.
Anyway, thanks for listening/reading...now that I've written this I feel extremely vulnerable and embarassed to have anyone read this mix of emotion in my head...forgive my human-ness. I could still use some suggestions from dear family and friends on how you make your life simple and still maintain control.
5 years ago
6 comments:
I'm so sorry!
You really have been through some amazingly tough times, all the moves, surgery, keeping up with Jake and the kids . . you really are amazing. (I know me saying that doesn't really help but I DO mean it!)
I know you are falling apart in your head and it seems like your house will never be in order again but it will come!! I haven't experienced near what you have in such a short time but I've felt the same mother guilts and stared at my house wondering how in the world I would ever find a normal and comfortable place again. One thing that has really held me together (most days) is remembering what it was like when Justin went to school and I had no kids at home. Suddenly my house was always clean, I got my lists done, meals were consistent and not irritating and I found time to exercise. Alot of that came when Derek (#3) went to school and I just had 1 at home. I was amazed at how fun and stress free I could be.
Then I had 2 more. I adore them and can't imagine life without them NOW but I do go back and remember life before they came just to remind myself that these crazy overwhelming days will pass.
I hope you don't pick out of this that life is better without kids . . . but maybe it is better when you have some time to yourself and that is nearly impossible to get when they are all at such demanding ages.
You are not alone, you are not crazy, and time will eventually fix it. It's great that you are writing it down and in less time than you think you will read back on it and be so grateful that hormones, emotions and life have all somehow managed to balance out
I'll get off my soapbox now . . and try to remember my own advice.
Thank you Kimberly! Your words of encouragement always help me...I'll try to remember your words on the days when it's the hardest :)
stop having kids... lol i am JUST KIDDING!!!!! i dont know what it is like to have 4 little ones running around so i can only imagine, but when josh and i got married i was overwhelmed i was all of a sudden someones wife and i thought i had to do everything or nothing would get done. but josh helped out and now i am normal i guess you could say lol. here is my advise which may or may not work but i figured i would share. now that bryant is almost six and loosing teeth! ( that is so awesome!) he has the drive to start helping out around the house. i think a chore chart and rewards might work for the older kids. nothing too big you know but like making your bed cleaning up the play room putting away your clothes clearing and setting the table. little things like that and everytime they do it they get star stickers or something on a paper and when the page is full you take them to the dollar tree and they get to choose one item anything they want. that might motivate them to help around the house and it will feel less overwhelming having that many extra pairs of hands.
like i said i am not a mom and i dont know how you do it and you and jake amaze me everytime i come to visit, there is so much love in your home. i love you guys to bits and pieces and your kids as well i couldnt imagine life without my nieces and nephews, so i hope this helps! and i was joking about no more kids.... just a little joke i am happy to have family like you guys!
I have no advice seeing as though I am feeling THIS EXACT SAME WAY today, and most days of late. :) I appreciated reading your post and realizing that I'm not the only one who feels like life is outta control sometimes. I figure someday I'll get my sanity back, or maybe by that time I won't care about having it anymore. :)
ps - just for the record, I think you're FABULOUS.
Yes, I feel like this all the time. And sometimes when I read others' blogs and they are so upbeat and positive that wonder what I've done wrong. So I'm glad to know, and glad to let you know, that we are not alone! I think that we seriously have to do the best we can, knowing that we aren't perfect, trying to do better, realizing and recognizing the things we do do. I have to go pick Logan up from preschool or I'd chat some more. You are amazing, I do admire you, keep up the good work and good luck!
Love, Jenn
p.s. sounds like you need a few minutes away!
I think it's great that you've written it down too - because now I know I'm not alone either and I only have one to get overwhelmed about so far. It is way different than the pulled together self that I was before I had Lydia. I love her and wouldn't wish for a life with out her either, but it's has definately been a huge transition for me too. I totally admire you because you're juggling a lot more on your plate and finding some balance. I think I'm learning that for the next several years there just won't be a real balance and I'm going to have to let a few things just go. That doesn't mean I don't expect anything of myself, but I try to give myself a break because we really can't fix it all. Some days are not my crowning moments for sure, but everyday no matter how monotonous it may seem is a new day and I try again. I loved all the others' advise too.
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