Reminicing Fun...

I've been officially tagged by my friend Lisa and find this tag to actually be a little fun and hopefully interesting :) Hope you enjoy the read as much as I enjoy remembering the times (some longer than others).

20 Years Ago (1988): I was 7 and loved playing at my grandma's house (she only lived a couple miles down the road and we would do there almost daily) with my aunt and uncle who are within two years of age as I am as well as my other 3 siblings. We would play house, dressup, hotel, restaurant, make forts, whatever we could think of-inside or out. I loved being in charge and setting up the game and the rules and telling everyone else what to do (I realize that now). I admired especially my aunt-she was the oldest and could bring in some fun alterations to the games.

10 Years Ago (1998): I was in the summer prior to my senior year in high school and thought I was on cloud nine. I had been elected the Student Body Secretary (by default, no one else ran) and was totally in my element of organizing and getting things ready for registration days and all the summer activities we did. I worked at Albertson's for a neighbor and enjoyed doing the odd jobs I was assigned. I kept busy "nannying" the neighbor kids and loved it-everyday! I was the Laurel president with a leader that was new to YW's-she had joined the church later in life and never experienced it, so I was involved with a lot more because she would ask my advice a lot. I loved being so busy.

5 Years Ago (2003): Jake and I had been married almost two years and I was in school trying to finish my last two semesters of college and do my student teaching to get my degree in Health Education and Physical Education. Bryant was in his first year (he had been born the previous December the week before finals) and the cutest baby ever-we lived close to family who was so willing to help out. Jake had begun working nights and was trying to go to school himself, so Bryant learned at a young age to love people. It was a hard year, looking back, it was not one of the most enjoyable years of our marriage-things were really hard trying to balance everything, there were of course fun times, but the days were long and hard -- trying to learn to be a mom, trying to finish being a student, trying to be a good wife-honestly, not a favorite memory of mine-it was quite honestly (to this point in life) one of the hardest years I have ever experienced. I would not want to relive that year, but I would not change it either. However, I got through and finished my student teaching that fall. When right after Bryant's first year birthday we moved to an apartment property to begin our first ever managing position for a local couple who were so kind to us-we loved that managing position!

3 Years Ago (2005): Kayelynn entered our family in February and we were actually just starting a new managing position at one of the largest apartment properties in town. Jake was working full-time at the hospital and taking a break from school. Our lives changed quickly this year...we began a very small managing position in the spring and then moved to the large property by July into a temporary home for 6 weeks and then to the assistant manager home (which is what we were, only having to work 4 hours a day) and by September we moved to the managers home as the manager had resigned after just 6 weeks. By October the company we worked for changed dramatically and we were offered a full-time, literally (8-hour days) for me to work in the office and to lose a bedroom of our home (which was non-negotiable) to expand the office and was trying to train a new assistant manager (I had only worked there two to three months) by November which luckily turned out to be my sister-in-law. We took it, possibly against our better judgement, but we survived. And by Christmas of that year we discovered that we were expecting our darling princess Sarah (surprise)!

One Year Ago (2007): We were still managing, but had moved in January to a different property with a larger home and more space to breathe and somewhat enjoy life. Jake was starting the LPN program in Idaho Falls and was really enjoying it. I was learning patience and acceptance of the Lord's will and time frame in my life-sometimes being a planner is not the best option when you cannot control your own life-so I learned. Bryant was starting preschool and loving it. Kayelynn was just blossoming daily and Sarah was becoming a toddler overnight! We found out just before Thanksgiving that we were expecting #4-not a surprise, but definately an increase in anxiety as we were trying to figure out how to survive and what to do when Jake graduated.

This Year So Far (2008): WHOA!! I think this has been our most eventful year of marriage (thus far). In January it was clear that to keep our sanity and our marriage in accordance with our beliefs and covenants we should retire from managing and learn to be a family as we are intended to be. The first of February we moved to the smallest basement apartment (for a family of 5, going on 6) with the largest amount of crap known to man! The second week of February I had surgery that was very emotional and disappointing. We were blessed beyond comprehension with service from family in EVERYTHING! Jake continued to work nights on the weekends and to go to school full-time. I started to learn (and still am learning) to be a mom and understand the actual day-in and day-out of full-time momminess. In May Jake graduated from EITC with his LPN certificate. Bryant and Sarah had surgery to get their tonsils and adnoids out (thankfully)-not the most exciting adventure, but again we were blessed by the service of family. May and June were the months of daily/hourly on our knees prayer for survival of the family and that Jake would get the job he was offered in March. In June Jake took his NCLEX test to certify as an official LPN and we found out a week later that he passed!!!!!! Jake took a new job the middle of June for the company that had offered him a job in March with awesome benefits and the chance to come out of the student poverty level.

Yesterday: We spent the day as a family just hanging out in Idaho Falls to get everything settled with Jake's new job. Jake received his official documentation for his LPN and worked his last night at the hospital. I did water aerobics and felt awesome! The kids actually went to bed totally tuckered out! :)

Today: I am doing laundry and getting things finalized on my "nesting" list (as Jake calls it) before the baby comes. We are trying to be quiet so Jake can get sleep from working last night. I am also trying to figure out a name for this child...nothing I think of settles with the kids or with Jake...she may just be a nameless baby, the first in history ;) I am also trying to get some school classes finished as I only have two weeks more before I have to be done!!

Tomorrow: I hope to keep my sanity as I take the children to church by myself since Jake will be working. I intend to keep the spirit in our home longer than an hour I also hope to get this baby here-I would love to have a June baby!!

In the next year: I hope to have figured out how momminess is intended to be. I hope to have moved to a larger home with a yard the kids can enjoy. I hope to have more patience with my children and to help Bryant and Kayelynn understand the things they will be learning in kindergarten and preschool. I hope to help Sarah and no name baby be confident and happy children and follow in the righteous footsteps of their siblings. I hope to develop a stronger relationship with my in-laws and my Father in Heaven.

I don't usually tag, but I'm going to break tradition and tag Jen McG., Julia M. and Rachel P. -old roommates from college, what reminiscing times :)

Which Disney Princess are You?

So, I've seen this on a few blogs and thought that it might be fun and interesting to see what they would ask and how they would consider the answers...here's my results...


You Are Snow White!

Pure and trusting. You are a gentle soul who can get along with just about anyone. Everyone you meet instantly falls in love with you. How can they resist? You have a pure, lovable nature that's irresistable. Just don't trust everyone who comes across your path.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

It was very interesting...it'd be fun to see what you all are, since deep down we all love the Disney Princess!!

The Results are In...

So, I'm a few days late posting this and a few of you already know, but for those of you that don't this is the post (I guess one of the few in the last few months) that we've been waiting for....drumroll.....
Jake got the results from his NCLEX test-the official "he can be an LPN" results...
he PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course!
He was able to call/look up the score as of the 16th, but he was so scared to see if he really passed or not...I was patient. However, by Saturday I was ready to know! He started his new job in Idaho Falls on the 18th and was afraid to check because if he didn't pass he would not be able to work until he did-understandable! But there have been so many people praying for him and just plain believing that he would pass that I was not nervous at all! I finally just looked it up for him...scared him to death that he didn't pass (that was fun)...then heard him scream over the phone that he passed. He has been ever so happy since! His boss is happy and proud and his family couldn't be happier!
He should get the official little document in the mail with the actual score and the paper stating that he is certified and knowledgable in his department!
Way to go Jake, I knew you could do it!!!

Baby Update

I went to the doctor yesterday for my 34 1/2 week appointment (of course I'm counting ;)).
I found out that I am still, of course, measuring large-37cm, so 3 weeks ahead of schedule. I also found out that I am starting to dialate (I'm at a one) and I'm 70% efaced!! Yeah, I just might be able to have her early!!
Jake and I joke that because the other two girls birthdays are both on the 24th of a month, we should have this one on the 24th, however, if I have her on the 24th I'd like it to be this month, which is Tuesday! If that were to happen it would be a miracle :) I told the doctor this and she just laughed. She said to make another appointment for 2 weeks and that she doubted she would see me sooner...I am determined to do all I can to get more progress or delivery here before my next appointment on the 1st of July! We'll see. :) :) I know it's the anxious end of the pregnancy hormones speaking, but it would sure be fun to have our girl on the 24th to keep with "tradition".
I also found out that my doctor will be gone over the 4th of July weekend and I stated that I would have to have her before then, the doctor was all for that! So I hope to have this girl within the next two weeks! Isn't that exciting and super scary at once?! With each child I think I get more and more anxiety on how things are going to work...I'm too much of a planner sometimes and trying to get things ready is just not easy work with three other munchkins needing just as much attention as the unborn child!
Anyway, I wanted to make note that I have 5 1/2 weeks left and sure hope that it's within 2!!!!!!!

ABC's of Me

Thought this was interesting...enjoy reading and learning a little more about me.

*The Letter A*
What is your age?: 27 (almost)
What annoys you?: not having a plan

*The Letter B*
Do you live in a big house?: nope, the exact opposite!
When is your birthday?: July 25

Who is your best friend? Jake, of course!

*The Letter C*
What's your favorite candy?: peanut M&M's or big hunk (depends if I feel like chocolate)
Who's your crush?: my Husband
When was the last time you cried?: today, I cry all the time these days!

*The Letter D*
Do you daydream?: of course!
What's your favorite kind of dog?: not a fan really, so, fenced ones, stuffed ones, or dead ones
What day of the week is it?: Monday

*The Letter E*
How do you like your eggs?: scrambled
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: yes
What's the easiest thing ever to do? love

*The Letter F*
Have you ever flown in a plane?: once
Do you use fly swatters?: in the past I have, I don't currently own one
Have you ever used a foghorn?: no


*The Letter G*
Do you chew gum?: yes, when i remember where I put it!
Are you a giver or a taker?: i'm sure this could be disputed, but I would say a giver
Do you like gummy candies?: not really


*The Letter H*
How are you?: tired, stressed, and uncomfortably huge and swollen!
What color is your hair?: dishwater blonde

*The Letter I*
What's your favorite ice cream?: cookies and cream
Have you ever ice skated?: yes, but i didn't like it-i kind of block it out of memory
Do you play an instrument?: the piano (not too well, I've pretty much taught myself), I played the viola through middle school and would love to play agin

*The Letter J*
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: those are gummy candies and super disgusting!
Do you wear jewelry?: always

*The Letter K*
Do you want kids?: too late for that!
Where did you go for kindergarten?: garfield elem.


*The Letter L*
Are you laid back?: nope
Do you lie?: i try, but i'm not successful

*The Letter M*
Whats your favorite movie?: how to lose a guy in 10 days
Do you still watch Disney movies?: daily
Do you like mangos?: i suppose, they aren't on my weekly fruit pick, but they're okay

*The Letter N*
Do you have a nickname?: Audi
What is your real name?: Terressa
Whats your favorite number?: 16
Do you prefer night over day?: not if i can help it

*The Letter O*
What's your one wish?: debt free
Are you an only child?: no, 4 siblings

*The Letter P*
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: giving birth to an unhealthy child
What are your pet peeves?: disorganization, finding out you've been the topic of conversation when you could have been confronted, fakeness, assumptions
What's a personality trait you look for in people?: sincerety


*The Letter Q*
What's your favorite quote?: you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit
Are you quick to judge people?: probably, although i keep it to myself

*The Letter R*
Do you think you're always right?: no, but i hate when other people think they are and it's obvious they aren't!
Are you one to cry?: about everything!!!

*The Letter S*
Do you prefer sun or rain?: after the winter we are still having i think i much prefer the sun!
Do you like snow?: yes, when it's gone by the middle of january!
season?: fall


*The Letter T*
What time is it? 4:15pm
What time did you wake up?: 9:00ishAM
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: over 10 years ago!

*The Letter U*
Are you wearing underwear?: That's kinda personal!
Underwear or boxers?: For what?

*The Letter V *
What's the worst veggie?: peas
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Disneyland, England, Australia

*The Letter W*
What's your worst habit?: talking too much :)
Where do you live?: Rexburg
What's your worst fear?: My husband or child(ren) dying unexpectedly

*The Letter X*
Have you ever had an x-ray?: yes
Have you seen the x-games?: not interested
Do you own a xylophone?: no

*The Letter Y*
Do you like the color yellow?: yes
What's one thing you yearn for?: a big house

*The Letter Z*
Whats your zodiac sign?: Leo
Do you believe in the zodiac?: no, but's its fun to read my horoscope
Favorite zoo animal?: elephants!

Wow!! You made it!! Feel free to change it up and post something about yourself, this is by all means not a tag of any sort, just fun information if you feel like sharing.

"To The Children of the Church"

As I was researching some fun talks about fathers I came across this message from President Ezra Taft Benson from the April 1989 General Conference. I was seven years old at the time-I do not remember President Benson all that much, but I am sure that I thought he was speaking to me (I was that kind of kid). I doubt I realized all that he was saying, but now being a mother this is the perfect talk to share with my children to express how the prophet and their Heavenly Father love them for what they do and how they can do better (with the help and love of their parents)! I just thought I would share it with all of you, it really touched me.

My dear brethren and sisters, how I have rejoiced in the messages I have heard delivered from this pulpit at this great general conference of the Church.

The messages are true. They are important. They are vital to our personal salvation, and with all my heart I commend them to you.

In previous general meetings of the Church, I have spoken specifically to the mothers and to the fathers, to the young men and to the young women, to the single adult sisters and to the single adult brethren.

For my closing message at this conference, I would now like to speak to the children of the Church—yes, to you, our precious children. And as you listen, I pray that you will know that this is a personal message just for you.

How I love you! How our Heavenly Father loves you!

Just like the beautiful Primary song you sing, each of you truly is a child of God. For you, rich blessings are in store, and if you learn to do His will, you will live with Him once more. I know this to be true. (See “I Am a Child of God,” Hymns, 1985, no. 301.)

Today I desire to teach you what our Heavenly Father wants you to know so that you can learn to do His will and enjoy true happiness. It will help you now and throughout your life.

First, may I say how thrilled I am to know how you children are learning about the Book of Mormon. This is one of the very important things Heavenly Father wants you to do.

I know you are reading the Book of Mormon, for I have received hundreds of personal letters from you telling me that you are reading this sacred book. It makes me weep for joy when I hear this.

Many of you have read the Book of Mormon all the way through. In family home evening and in Primary you have dramatized Book of Mormon stories, you have sung songs about the Book of Mormon, you have learned the names of the books in the Book of Mormon, you have played Book of Mormon games, you have learned about wonderful Book of Mormon prophets. Some of you have even earned money to send copies of the Book of Mormon around the world.

How pleased I am to hear of your love for the Book of Mormon. I love it too, and Heavenly Father wants you to continue to learn from the Book of Mormon every day. It’s Heavenly Father’s special gift to you. By following its teachings, you will learn to do the will of our Father in Heaven.

I also hope your parents and leaders will give you opportunities to learn from the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price, and the Bible as well.

Now, there are other important things Heavenly Father wants you to do.

He wants you to pray to Him every day. He wants to help you because He loves you, and He will help you if you pray to Him and ask Him for His help. In your prayers, also thank Him for your blessings. Thank Him for sending our oldest brother, Jesus Christ, into the world. He made it possible for us to return to our heavenly home. Thank Him for your family. Thank Him for the Church. Thank Him for this beautiful world you live in. Ask Him to protect you. In your prayers, ask Him to help you know what to do in your life. When you make mistakes, your Heavenly Father still loves you. So pray to Him, and He will help you try again to do right.

Pray to Heavenly Father to bless you with His Spirit at all times. We often call the Spirit the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is also a gift from Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost helps you to choose the right. The Holy Ghost will protect you from evil. He whispers to you in a still, small voice to do right. When you do good, you feel good, and that is the Holy Ghost speaking to you. The Holy Ghost is a wonderful companion. He is always there to help you.

My dear boys and girls, honor your fathers and mothers. They will help you make good decisions. Enjoy and respect your grandparents. Be a real friend to your brothers and sisters. Choose friends who have high ideals. Choose friends who will help you to be good.

Attend sacrament meeting. Listen carefully to what your bishop says. He is an important spiritual leader who has a special calling from Heavenly Father to help you.

Enjoy Primary, and attend every week. Bring your member and nonmember friends to Primary. Learn the Primary songs well. They are wonderful. Memorize the Articles of Faith and earn the Gospel in Action Award.

Be honest. Do not lie nor steal. Do not cheat. Do not use profanity, but be clean in your thoughts and speech.

Be a true Latter-day Saint. Stand up for your beliefs. One of my favorite Primary songs is “Dare to Do Right.” Some of the words are:

Dare to do right! dare to be true!
You have a work that no other can do;
Do it so bravely, so kindly, so well,
Angels will hasten the story to tell.
(Sing with Me, B–81)


Remember, Satan does not want you to be happy. He does not want you to dare to do right. He wants you to be miserable, as he is. He has captured the hearts of wicked men and women who would have you participate in bad things such as pornography, drugs, profanity, and immorality. Stay away from these evils. Avoid books, magazines, videos, movies, and television shows that are not good. As the scriptures tell us, avoid the very appearance of evil. (See 1 Thes. 5:22.)

Dress modestly. Choose clothing that covers your body properly. Behave in a courteous and polite way. Live the Word of Wisdom. Keep the Sabbath day holy. Listen to good music. Do your best to be good.

Do well in your school work and strive to be a good student.

With help from your parents, begin your own library of favorite tapes, books, and pictures which are available at Church distribution centers. Enjoy reading each month in your home the Friend magazine or the international magazines.

Love the country in which you live. Be a good citizen. Be patriotic. Fly your country’s flag on special holidays. Pray for your country’s leaders.

Primary boys, plan and look forward to serving a full-time mission for the Lord. Young girls, be prepared for missionary service if you are called. But also, young girls, learn from your mothers the important homemaking skills you will use in your own home.

Now I want to say something to you children who do not feel safe and who are frightened or hurt and do not know what to do. Sometimes you may feel all alone. You need to know that even when it seems that no one else cares, your Heavenly Father does. He will always love you. He wants you to be protected and safe. If you are not, please talk to someone who can help you—a parent, a teacher, your bishop, or a friend. They will help you.

I am sure each of you has favorite stories from the scriptures. One of my favorite stories is found in the seventeenth chapter of 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. It tells about the visit of Jesus to the people on the American continent after His resurrection. It tells about Jesus healing the sick and teaching the people and praying to Heavenly Father for them.

Now, this is one of my favorite parts of that story:

“And it came to pass that when Jesus had made an end of praying unto the Father, he arose; but so great was the joy of the multitude that they were overcome.

“And it came to pass that Jesus spake unto them, and bade them arise.

“And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.

“And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

“And when he had done this he wept again;

“And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.

“And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them.” (3 Ne. 17:18–24.)

I promise you, dear children, that angels will minister unto you also. You may not see them, but they will be there to help you, and you will feel of their presence.

Favored little ones were they,
Who towards him Jesus drew!
Who within his arms he took
Just as loving parents do,
Christ the Lord “Our living head.”
This of little children said,
“Such shall of my kingdom be,
Suffer them to come to me.”
Listen to the Savior’s plea,
“Let the children come to me.”
(“Let the Little Children Come,” Sing With Me, B–14.)


Dear children, our Heavenly Father sent you to earth at this time because you are some of His most valiant children. He knew there would be much wickedness in the world today, and He knew you could be faithful and obedient.

Dear child, you are God’s gift to your parents, and the gift your parents can give God is to bring you back to Him sweet and pure and faithful.

He expects your parents and leaders to teach you, to walk beside you, and to be shining examples to you so that you will know the way you should go. They must spend time with you and love you and pray with you and for you.

Your leaders must call faithful men and women to teach you in Primary. We must provide experiences for you early in your life that will help you know how to live the gospel.

God bless the children of this Church. How I love you! How Heavenly Father loves you! And may we, as your parents, teachers, and leaders, be more childlike—more submissive, more meek, and more humble.

I close my message to you this day with the prayer that we may ever respond to your plea as you so sweetly sing:

Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.


And then, as your parents, we sing to you:

Come, little child, and together we’ll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight—
Always, always to walk in the light.


And together we sing:

Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we’ll walk in the light.
(Hymns, 1985, no. 304.)


For this I fervently pray for the children of the Church

Happy Father's Day!

We had a fun weekend celebrating father's day. We rode our bikes to the local air show(about 1/4 mile away)-which luckily this year was free :) and watched some amazing air stunts...the kids were in heaven and Jake got to see some "some real beauties" (referring to the airplanes, of course). It was so warm, probably the warmest day of the year so far and from sitting in the sun at the airport we got tired quickly...we all came home and took long naps :)
Sunday was a fun day. The kids made Jake some special cards just from them and delivered them to him just before church, it was so cute to see the reactions on the kids' faces when he read the cards and admired each one's art. It was again a hot day and we were able to have a fun BBQ and just be together. It was super low key, but oh so fun to be together!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY JACOB!!!
You are one of the best dad's-the kids love you and I admire your tenderness with them!

I found this article about fathers from the 1990 October General Conference and I love how Elder Durrel A. Woolsey commemorates and uplifts fathers all in counsel! Enjoy the read:

My beloved brethren of the priesthood, the Lord Jesus Christ said, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36.) Could we add, “lose his own soul, and his family”?

As I left California, bound for Salt Lake City to receive training and be set apart for a mission in Arizona, I experienced for a moment an alarming feeling. I had lost all of my keys. The keys to the cars, home, business, and Church calling had been left behind. I had the depressing feeling that I no longer had any keys; even my pockets seemed empty.

Then came the exhilarating thought that I still had the most important key of all, a key that I will hold eternally, if I remain worthy. That key, of course, is the patriarchal key with my family.

I became aware of how temporary most other keys are, especially keys that control material things that will one day become victims of moth and rust. Priesthood keys of leadership and other keys of presidency are extremely vital; but for the most part, even they are temporary in nature. Eventually, after faithfully serving, you will then relinquish those keys to someone else.

We will, however, be blessed to continue to hold our patriarchal key. Fathers, you hold the key to accomplish the work stated by several of the prophets as vitally important. President Harold B. Lee said, “The most important work you will ever do will be done within the walls of your own home,” and President David O. McKay cautioned that “no other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

Many in the world are alarmed, and with some justification, at the plight and deteriorating condition of families. The most powerful thrust toward a resolution of this significant problem would be an honorable father, full of integrity and fidelity, giving righteous leadership to his family. That joyful work and calling is to do whatever is necessary to chart a course for you and your family to unitedly return and live with Heavenly Father.

We likely will not be called upon to endure the great physical hardships suffered by so many of our pioneer forefathers. Ours is a much more sinister and demoralizing challenge. Often this challenge will approach cloaked in confusing masks of misunderstood rights and agency or the enticements and allurements of a misguided world. We daily face the “anything for a thrill” crowd or the “What’s in it for me?” society.

The anti-Christ Korihor, in the Book of Mormon, taught a similar type of damaging doctrine when he said, “There could be no atonement made for the sins of men, but every man fared in this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man prospered according to his genius, and that every man conquered according to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime.” (Alma 30:17.) This rhetoric could blend into much of the accepted doctrine of the world today.

So where is safety? How does a father go about safely guiding his most priceless possession through the reefs and shoals?

Dad, you need to be a hero in your family. They need a hero. They will have strong peer pressure and temptation to adopt the so-called heroes of today who are not worthy of their attention and most certainly not their emulation. The heroes or superstars in the sports and entertainment world, and there are many, frequently become examples of dishonesty, instability, and infidelity. They flagrantly and indifferently flaunt those weaknesses of character and immorality before a doting and accepting world, as Korihor said, “according to the management of the creature.” (Alma 30:17.)

Could not, should not, Father become the hero to his family? A father worthy of attention, worthy of emulation? Most certainly, but how?

First of all, a generous amount of your time is required. Not a superficial moment here and there, not the tired and worn-out phrase, “We’ll talk about that later,” but an honest, generous piece of your day on a continuing basis, even at the sacrifice of things social, things personally entertaining, or even things financially rewarding. All of the money in the world, significant worldly accomplishments which may include the upper rungs of the success ladder, or the personal enjoyment of athletic and sporting activities, will not return you and your family intact to live with Heavenly Father.

President Joseph F. Smith quoted from the Savior, as stated in Mark: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36.) Then President Smith continued, “What would it profit me, though I should go out into the world and win strangers to the fold of God and lose my own children? Oh! God, let me not lose my own. I can not afford to lose mine, whom God has given to me and whom I am responsible for before the Lord, and who are dependent upon me for guidance, for instruction, for proper influence.” (Gospel Doctrine, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1975, p. 462.)

The salvation of our families will require all that we have to save all that we have. So you will make the time commitment. Great! Positive, wonderful benefits will begin to flow to you and your family almost immediately.

So what next? I mentioned fidelity. It is absolutely essential that you set an undeviating course of loyalty and faithfulness to your companion, to whom you have previously made these very commitments and promises. The example of your great love and respect for her, the two of you being as one, will establish a singular guiding strength that your children will desire to follow. Your voices and actions blending together in a united front as you teach and lead your little family will be the trumpet with a certain sound of strength and unity leading to safety. Synonyms of fidelity are allegiance and devotion. They will be critical supports to your foundation of fidelity. “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22.)

Father, one of your greatest resources will be the scriptures. You would not consider making a large investment in a rather complicated and technical piece of equipment, then begin its operation, without an involved study of the handbook of instruction. Further, you would likely reference that handbook often. The handbook of instructions for your somewhat complicated, very sizable investment called family is certainly the original handbook of instruction—that being our beloved scriptures. They are complete with instructions and examples. Often, you will find the answer before the question is asked. Daily research is required. It is also vital to maintain open communication lines with the Fountainhead of all wisdom and truth through your daily family and personal prayers.

Finally, what better resource for direction could we have than a living prophet? A great safety-net can envelop you and your family as you follow the Brethren. How blessed you are, Dad, to have living oracles of God to update you with current instruction to guide your family through modern-day challenges. To not hear, or ignore them, to not understand and heed those instructions would be like beginning a trip across the sea in a small boat without a compass.

Well, that’s it, Dad. You must become the family hero, worthy of not only their attention but their emulation. This will require your constant investment of sufficient time, complete emotional and physical fidelity, with unity of purpose between you and your eternal companion. This will require your constant dependency upon the Lord, demonstrated through scripture study and prayer. This will require that you follow the Brethren in every sense of the word—hearing, understanding, and doing. This simple formula will unite and strengthen your beloved family and bring countless blessings from our Father.

May God bless all fathers to righteously obtain and maintain this patriarchal key to the blessing of families throughout the Church.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO EVERYONE!!!

Happy Days...Update

So Jake was scheduled to take his test at 8 o'clock this morning. He arrived early and discovered that he could just go in when he was ready, he didn't have to wait until 8am. He went in at 7:45am and was done and had driven to my mom's office (1/2hour away) by 9:30!!!
He emailed me and said that he only had 85 questions and now we just wait to see if he "passed quickly or failed quickly"-in his words ;)
I think he did awesome and that he knew what he was supposed to, I guess we will find out this weekend...if he decides to call...HAHA!
See you tonight dear!

Happy Days

Jake left this morning for Boise to take his NCLEX test to complete the final step in his certification of becoming a true LPN!
We are so excited for him. When he took the "dumby" test at school they told him he had a 99% of passing-I have not been worrying...it's been funny to see him stress over it though, I guess there is always that 1% that he could do badly, but I have all faith and confidence that he will do well! He will then be able to call on Saturday and find out his score (or otherwise wait 2-4 weeks for the results to show up in the mailbox-talk about anticipation and heart attack)!
We also received good news yesterday that he was finally hired at the clinic in Idaho Falls-there have been some long and drawn out snags with the process, but it has felt so good that we have just endured the painful unemployment weeks to get to this point. The human resources department sent out a letter yesterday stating the intention of hire and asking that he come in immediately to fill out all paper work and get things going. His boss then called him this morning before he left town and asked that after he get his paper work filled out on Friday that he come to her office and get his schedule put together! A huge weight was lifted off Jake's shoulders in the past 24 hours that I think his mind will be clear enough to pass his test!
"Happy days are here again" We are finally on the road to security and the real world (whether that be good or bad is your judgement). I am so excited Jake can finally say no to nights at the hospital-I never thought I would see the day when he would be working days! HA, here it is!
GOOD LUCK JAKE!

Forty-two

As I mentioned in the last post, Jake's favorite number is "42"! The story behind this goes back to when he was a kid...I sure hope I get it all correct. (any family that reads this and remembers it differently from what I've told, feel free to correct in the comments ;)).
He and his family were playing games downstairs when someone wanted to know the temperature outside, Jake raced up the stairs to check it out. He didn't return and the family was onto something new. He runs down the stairs and announces "42"! Nobody knew what he was talking about and they all just laughed. He explained, they got it, but it had been so long from the request that it is now a standing joke that when something "random" is said by the infamous Jake they all announce "42".
However, for him, this number has rung true to be his lucky number since! Even Disney and other movies are relating the same number of randomness-it's kind of funny actually.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!

So this month has been dedicated to Jake-I don't know that I have lived up to the promise that I gave myself as much as I thought I would, so this will extend to Father's Day, hopefully there will be more posts about my beloved!!!

Today Jake turns 29!!

I want to share 29 amazing facts that you may or may not know about him, in no particular order:

1. He always puts family first-he's usually the one to get up at night with the kids-he's so kind to let me sleep.
2. He adores his children-almost everyday they do something to bring a tear to his eye and they don't usually know it.

3. He has a passion for life-he is so optimistic about everything!

4. He is quick to laugh-there is always a smile on his face, he loves humor and can find something good from any day!

5. He likes to cook-I follow recipes, he invents...the kids prefer daddy to make dinner or lunch or breakfast or all three (so do I ;))!
6. He loves Italian food-usually what the inventions center around
7. His favorite restaurant is Johnny Carino's
8. He is the seamstress in the family-I am too afraid of messing up, he justs gets it fixed!
9. He loves to build things-last summer he made a new bed frame for us, very detailed and custom.

10. He loves automobiles; he has a car collection that he treats with the utmost respect...they are dusted daily ;)

(no this is not a ferrari, I know)
11. His dream car is a ferrari (the model seems to change, but then again I don't remember the last one he told me about).
12. He wishes that I would put his 72 pickup on "Overhaulin"...he has told me exactly the things he would like to have put in, if this were to ever happen...we'll see honey ;)
13. He dreams of having a garage full of cars someday...
14. He served his mission in Birmingham England and would love to take us all there someday and show off his favorite places...he still keeps in contact with a lot of the families he knew.
15. He's getting grey hair, finally I'm not the only one!
16. He loves to draw-he has a book of sketches for his dream home, his dream truck and anything that pops into his head.
17. His favorite number is 42-there is a story behind this that I will tell at a later date.
18. He is a pack-rat-moving so many times has finally gotten him to reevaluate some of the items that just seem to linger.
19. He has developed a passion for camping and call of duty 4 and guitar hero-thanks to his school buddies :)

20. He is prepared for ANYTHING! He always has the most random, yet useful things available-you never want to be somewhere without him and his things!
21. He is not into sports at all, never mind his size...he did not play sports in high school.
22. He spent his teenage years caring for his great-grandfather who had alzheimer's and developed a love for nursing at a very young age.
23. He is a night owl...I guess working nights is his forte
24. If he could he would sleep until 6pm everyday whether he worked the night before or not.
25. He is the middle child, but everyone seems to think he's the oldest only because of his height.
26. He was born and raised here in Rexburg and would love to live out his life here!
27. He does not welcome change much-he is very loyal to everything he does and with everyone he meets.
28. He is a great teacher-he is always full of stories (parables) to explain his purpose-they are usually in lame-man's terms and yet are so deep that I often wonder how I ended up with him (the stories are usually for me).
29. He treats me like a queen!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE! I love you!

Preschool Graduation

Bryant had his preschool graduation on Monday and it was so great! The weather was perfect-they had graduation at the park!
Beep-Beep, the clown, came to entertain the kids and she was amazing! She had some fun "magic" to show the kids and in the process taught them some manners along the way. Unfortunately I arrived all ready to capture the moment and the batteries on my camera were dead and of course I did not have back-up so NOTHING was captured on film...I am so distraught, but I suppose there are still some memories I can write about...
Beep-Beep was the name of the clown-she was so kid friendly and so crowd inviting it was hard not to just sign her up for the next birthday party (she charges $300 an hour, YIKES and yet worth it to a crowd of preschoolers).
She did some fun magic that the kids were really impressed with. She started out with some letters in the alphabet and praised the kids for knowing their letters so well she asked them why they weren't in kindergarten yet...a lot of mumbling came from the kids. She had the letters i, y, and Q. When she showed the letter i she responded by saying hi-the kids were very confused. she had them resay the letter and again she responded with hi. Then they said "y" and then "Q"-she had them say it faster and she responded with "I like you too!" The kids were so confused, but the parents laughed-it was a good start.
She had a "pet" frog. She said that her frog promised not to spit and then she went on to explain that if you catch a frog you shouldn't hold it too long because they need to stay wet. She then told the kids that her frog needed to go back into his cage so she could finish her show. She turns around and sprays the kids with the frog. One of the children told her that he did and she denied it. He insisted. She asked him if he liked to make up stories because there was just no way her frog spit-he promised he wouldn't. She started to put him away again and he spit on the kids again-they all screamed and insisted that the boy had been right and that he just spit on them again-it was so hilarious to hear the kids "fighting" with the clown!
She had gotten a happy meal before they came and went through all the items in her bag as being her favorite, but letting the kids know that her favorite thing was the straw-she then put it in her pocket and told the kids about her grandpa and that he had given her his special formula miracle grow-never to be used on people and his special formula of shrinking chemicals-also to never be used on people. She then got a volunteer student and had them hold the bag and put in the straw. Beep-beep wanted to shrink the straw, and taught the kids her magic words "hocus pocus, chicken bones choke us" she then picked up her miracle grow formula and started to put in on...the kids were yelling that it was the wrong one, but she didn't hear them until she was done-she exclaimed that something just didn't look right and then she told the kids that they weren't fast enough to tell her she was doing to wrong bottle-it was so funny. She then pulls out a gigantic straw that was taller than her-she was a good 5'3" or so-the kids were so impressed, this is when they really caught onto the "magic" of the show.
She was so fun...she had a lot more acts, but I don't need to share them all. These were some of my favorites. I just wish I could have pictures to prove how fun and exciting it was and show the expressions on Bryant's face at each act. Oh well, the stories are just as fun sometimes. I'm glad I can at least preserve those.

Surgery Update

The doctor's know what they are talking about (sometimes that just doesn't happen)!!
The first night was a little odd, the kids only woke up for their medication...I think Jake and I didn't sleep because we couldn't hear any snoring in the background that we are used to. Saturday night was a little harder because they didn't really wake up for medication, but they both whined for it...it was an interesting struggle to get them to take their meds at 2am. By Sunday Sarah was back to her normal self as they predicted. Bryant is still not totally himself...he has really not understood the concept that he should not raise his voice or run so as not to irritate his throat and is therefore prolonging his recovery. He is having a hard time swallowing, but we keep reminding him and giving him some fancy medication that seems to help a little. Otherwise things are actually really good-you really don't notice they just had surgery.
The other amazing thing is that we have been trying so hard to get Sarah to understand that she is just too big for a pacifier (she only uses it at sleep times, unless she sees it and just pops it in). She isn't two, but I do not need two kids in diapers AND with a pacifier, something just doesn't seem right about that considering the age difference... Anyway, Sarah could not suck on the pacifier after surgery-we had it available and gave it to her, but it just wasn't working like she wanted it to. The first night we have it available and would give it to her, but she would get so mad that she couldn't suck she would toss it at us, since then I put them "out of sight, out of mind" and she has only asked/looked for them twice! I'm sure she could suck on it now, but why give it to her? This was amazing! I wouldn't really recommend this process for weaning off of pacifiers, a little on the expensive end, but hey it worked!
Now for potty training...it may have to wait until after the baby is born, we'll see...

Pictures...FINALLY!!!

I posted on 5/9 about Jake's graduation and pinning ceremonies and of course could not get any pictures to post. I have been trying to do such every day, but with no avail-I finally remembered that I have access to something even better than just pictures and so you are finally able to see some of the fun highlight pictures of the two nights. Feel free to scroll to 5/9's post for the actual events of the days/nights.
Enjoy!

Make a Smilebox photobook

Surgery, Again?

Well, I've decided this will be the most stressful and expensive year so far in our marriage! Since this is something that I will publish at a later date I will go into a little more detail than just an update.
Bryant and Sarah had their tonsils and adnoids out this morning. Not really a big deal, one of those things that should make life better in the long run, but to see your children become a part of this side of the world is difficult. They've been to the ER before, but never been admitted as a patient. Jake has worked at the hospital for almost 6 years now, so the kids are no strangers to the hospital or it's surroundings, however being on the "other side" I think opened their eyes a little more.
We arrived at 7am and were quickly preparing for surgery. The policy is to have the youngest have surgery first and then if there is a sibling with them they are immediately to follow. So Sarah was to be first (Bryant did not like the idea that she could be before him, but it all worked out).
We had to put some cream on their hands to numb them for the IV, Bryant did pretty good for having a needle put into his hand, but was not at all happy that he could feel it for the first few seconds. Sarah was put on some medications so as not to be bothered as much with the procedure, she is not really a fan of people paying attention to her or touching her for that matter. She was so oblivious to the 2 nurses and the anesthesiologist around her, it was actually pretty good.
Sarah did really well in surgery. The doctor came back and informed us that her tonsils were not only swollen and scarred, but that her tonsils looked like a 40 year olds, I don't exactly know what he meant besides the fact that her tonsils looked like they had been through as much "sickness" as a 40 year would have. He also stated that her adnoids were blocking 80% of her airway, which totally explains the snoring, sleep apnea and troubled sleep for the past year!
Bryant also did well in surgery. We were informed that Bryant also had some major damage to his tonsils and that his adnoids were blocking about the same as Sarah.
Jake and I were immediately grateful that we had followed through with the decision to have their tonsils out on the same day!
Bryant had his "sleepy" medicine through his IV and while he was being taken back to surgery kept sitting up on the bed and looking over at the wheels-this kid loves anything that has a motor and any sort of wheels! Apparantly the bed was in this category today :) The nurse told us that Bryant was so funny before surgery-thanks to the meds. They had to wait for Sarah to be out of the room, so the nurse took him close to the whiteboard and asked him to draw a picture-he was so excited he was drawing a volcano with a train track and a truck and they were getting the police, Bryant narrating his version of the art as he drew. The nurse was told that the room was ready twice and both times told them that storytime wasn't over yet. You have to understand that Bryant is quite the story-teller anyway, so this was hilarious!!
The nurses were so good for the kids. Bryant was quite emotional coming out of the surgery and drugs, but slept it off and pretty much was back to his normal bossy self by 4pm and checked out a half hour after that.
Sarah was so tired after surgery, although wanting to be awake, she was so frustrated. She finally fell asleep and stopped messing with her IV after about a half hour. She slept for a very short time and then woke up to Sesame Street-at first we thought she was just waking up and a little groggy, but we soon realized that she was in la-la land and didn't really know what was going on-as much as it seemed she wanted to. She stayed awake for 3-4 hours and was the bossy Sarah we are used to albeit drugged up. It was so funny how she would boss the nurses-they were good sports and just laughed.
The best part of the day was when Sarah realized Bryant was in the room with her and wanted to climb up on his bed with him. She gave him the biggest hug and kept asking him what happened. It was so cute, brought tears to my eyes. I feel so bad as a parent to make them go through pain, but I would rather them experience a little of this pain to make their lives so much better-especially after what the doctors have found. Bryant and Sarah are such good kids and both love life so much that it will be fun to share life with them without them losing thier breath and getting so tired as quickly!
I am still sitting here in the hospital with Sarah, she has been losing oxygen when we carry her or just hold her on our lap, so I am watching to make sure she is doing better before I leave-and she is finally sleeping soundly.
The doctor predicts that Sarah should be up and feeling alot better by about Saturday and that Bryant will be doing well about Sunday. I sure hope so because Bryant has preschool graduation on Monday-stay tuned for that story and those pictures next week!

Happy Mother's Day

To all you mother's, aunts, sisters, granddaughters, women-HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
I found this article, specific to mother's, and wanted to share with you all.
I hope you have a great day and can share and feel the joy of motherhood especially today!

Surviving on the Mercies of Motherhood
by Whitney Permann
Saturday, May 10, 2008

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People think I’m crazy when I tell them I love childbirth. It’s not that I like pain—I don’t. But there is just something about working really hard to get something really good. My husband and I have the routine down: we do whatever it takes to get through a contraction, then I slump back on the bed, as limp and peaceful as a noodle (as peaceful as a noodle can be) and rest before the next one hits. It’s hard work, but when the baby is finally born, the pain doesn’t matter anymore—and I experience joy beyond description. (Then I swear I’ll never do it again.)

It has recently occurred to me that childbirth can be one huge metaphor for motherhood. We “labor” day in and day out, moment by moment—scrubbing, brushing, wiping, flushing, buckling, holding, washing, folding—it’s a wonder more mothers don’t drop dead from pure exhaustion!

So here’s my theory: Heavenly Father knew how challenging motherhood would be for each of us—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So He sends us “mother mercies.” You know the moments—the ones that sneak up on you and make you smile or laugh—or teary-eyed. It’s like the time I caught a whiff of my five-year-old and realized he’d put on his daddy’s deodorant that morning. Or when he used to pray nightly, “Please bless that morning will come in five minutes.” It’s the time I found a bar of soap in my bathroom with one (and only one) set of teeth marks in it. Or when my preschooler asked me, “Why did Jesus cover our bones with skin?”

Perhaps these little mercies are like the pauses between our contractions of motherhood—the moments that make us say, “Oh yeah. I really love this mothering stuff.”

Contraction: Baby spits up.
Mother Mercy: Three-year-old cries in alarm, “Mom! She’s spilling!”

Contraction: Five-year-old climbs on counter to find sweets.
Mother Mercy: He explains he was simply finding desert for “Family Home Ming-Ming.”

Contraction: Patting your squishy tummy left over from pregnancy.
Mother Mercy: Patting your baby’s squishy tummy that you got in return.

Contraction: Feeling overwhelmed and grumpy.
Mother Mercy: Oldest child says sweetly, “Mommy, if you say a prayer, Heavenly Father will help you feel better.”

Think about it—what an interesting phenomenon—in our very hardest moments of mothering, Heavenly Father sends us these little flashes of reprieve to help us keep going with a smile. True, we have diapers and back-talking and tantrums and spills, but we also get kisses and first steps and stick-figure drawings and hand-pulled bouquets.

Look for the Mother Mercies in your own life. I promise they will pop up everywhere—when your toddler trips the alarm at the library (like mine did) or when he pours pop down the bowling alley lane (yes, mine) or when you find your envious child stripped down to his nothings at the park, staring longingly through the fence into the city pool (Whose kid is that? Oh, it’s mine). The Mother Mercies are always there. Don’t miss them!

One Sunday while I was juggling my three little ones, an older sister in my ward leaned over and said, “This will all end someday, believe me.” To which I replied, “Oh don’t tell me that! I’m having so much fun.” Who knew that doing something so hard could bring me so much happiness? And just like the finale of childbirth, I’m hopeful that this mothering thing—this exhausting labor of love—will someday bring us joy we could never comprehend was possible.

**Remember the Conference talk on "Tender Mercies" by Elder Bednar? Well, I thought this fit right in with that, it's fun to take the time to reflect and write down these moments, why not add in the Mercies of Motherhood?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

What We've All Been Waiting For...

Like I've said in previous posts, I have not joined the digital world-YET! I finally got my pictures back from Jake's pinning and graduation ceremonies and would like to share the evidence and emotion that Jake is officially an LPN (I guess minus the accreditation from the nation-he will take his boards by the end of the month, fingers crossed).
We had a wonderful celebration that lasted about 4 days. My mom arrived from Meridian late Saturday afternoon to be here for the pinning ceremony. I think that Jake was impressed and excited to know that someone in my family was able to attend-this is a big deal!
Sunday night we had a pre-Cinco de Mayo/Graduation party with Jake's family (who all live close) and my mom and my brother and his wife, who live in Pocatello. It was so fun and we had so much yummy food!!!
Monday we were to be in Idaho Falls at the Junior High by 5:30 to get a good seat and so Jake could get instructions on how the night would be. This was the night of the pinning. The whole family attended, this was much more personal and exciting than any graduation could be. It was so fun to hear the stories of the year and how much the students were different than almost any other class the teachers had experienced. They had a sense of humor and were a lot more diverse in their experience and knowledge which helped them to bond and learn better. We had a lot of laughs and tears (from me-I was so proud of him) that night.
Tuesday night was the graduation ceremony of EITC-there weren't a ton of students graduating, but enough that I did not bring the kids. Thank you Jared and Melissa for playing with them! Jake and I were actually able to attend a BBQ before graduation with some of his buddies from school and then we headed over the the Civic Auditorium. It was a traditional ceremony, but there were a lot of highlights from the school shared that I'm sure were not considered normal. The keynote speaker was amazing, he almost sounded like he was/has been a Stake President before-he focused his talk on time management and goal setting. I was very impressed with the talk and wish there was a way to obtain the script-it was really good!
Once Wednesday hit, I think Jake and I were both so tuckered out we wanted to sleep for the entire day. We were on such an emotional high throughout the weekend that it was a hard fall Wednesday and I think we're still picking up the pieces :)
At this point we are waiting for the arrival of Jake's temporary LPN license so he can begin work as well as the go ahead from the clinic in Idaho Falls that so desperately wants to hire him-they have had some reconstruction within the management and so they are talking to the Board on Monday with a very solid case that Jake is wanted and needed in their clinic and that he has a 99% chance to pass the boards first time! We are hoping that this next week will bring some awesome news. We are also waiting to find out when and where the NCLEX (the national test) is located so he can schedule his official test date and PASS THOSE BOARDS!!!
I am so proud of you Jake!

I guess blogger is having some sort of problem, I cannot get my pictures to post, I will get those up ASAP!

Baby Update

Well, I went in today for my 28 week appointment and it was the dreaded glucose/gestational diabetes test. This pregnancy has been so weird. I stressed over surgery and got through it, losing weight, but being okay. I have not had much of an appetite with this pregnancy, which was weird and have begun to think that she just might be one of my smaller children (not that I would know how to hold or handle a baby under 8.5 pounds ;)).
At my ultrasound (a month ago) I had finally passed my starting weight by 4 pounds. My last appointment I went in because I had been sick for 6 days and couldn't get rid of the cough and cold symtpoms and had still actually gained a few pounds even though I was sick-another 2 pounds. Then my appointment today, I have not been tested for gestational diabetes since Bryant so I forgot how nasty the syrup tasted-I hurried and drank it and felt like I wanted to throw up afterward, disgusting! I did the routine and got on the scale to discover that I had gained 6 pounds in two weeks!!! HOLY COW! My first sign that the results of this test might not be in my favor. The midwife comes in and declares that I need to come in by the end of the week for a 3-hour fasting test for an official gestational diabetes screening! I was 13 points above the maximum.
I have only heard of this disease and have thought that I have been ever so lucky to not encounter this-oh did I curse myself. The midwife then began to explain what the "treatment" was to this only-harmful-to-the-baby disease...in a nut shell, DON'T EAT ANYTHING WHITE! Um, only my favorite foods; bread, bananas, chips, cereal, grapes, yogurt, dessert (which I love to make and eat), etc. She also tells me that even if I pass the test on Friday she would still like me to take on this diet to avoid having a baby over 10 pounds...all I could say was that I had survived my last delivery, I could do it again...she wasn't impressed.
So, I'm a little bitter that I have to give up ALL of my favorite foods for the next 2 1/2-3 months, but I know that I do not want to intentionally harm my child before it's even born, so I will be using some MAJOR self-control during the picnic season to have a healthy and somewhat small(er) child. To any of you that are local and read this, I will apologize now that I am sorry if I am grumpy from now until the baby is born...it will mostly be because I have to give up food that I really enjoy, sorry.
So, I will be testing on Friday morning to see if I am truly in the gestational diabetes group or if I am just being punished for having big babies ;) I'll let you know. However, if any of you have experienced gestational diabetes I will take any advice or menu options that you might have!

Bryant

Okay, this kid, if you don't really know him, can say the funniest things ever. They sometimes are very embarassing, but we still laugh. They are so funny that I don't think I'll forget them but by the time Jake gets home I've already forgotten how he said it to make it so stinking funny. I'm hoping I can do better at writing things down :)
However, at church on Sunday he said the funniest thing during Sacrament meeting, I don't think I'll forget this one for a long time.
We were actually in the middle of Sacrament where I try really hard to teach my children to not speak and to think of Christ. I have made a "quiet book" that is all about Him for the kids to look at and hopefully learn a little something.
Well, Bryant was actually listening to the sacrament prayer and wondered why the water was blood...I tried to explain, but he told me that my explanation didn't make sense, so Jake explained-we thought he was content with the answer as he started silently (which was a miracle) looking at the quiet book.
All of a sudden I hear Bryant "whisper" (you have to understand that Bryant does not understand what a whisper really is and since we were in the gym, on the very last row, his whisper carried) "did Jesus have a hot tub?" holy cow, I immediately look at what he has in his lap and there the quiet book is open to the page on baptism..where this child's mind wanders is a wonder, but this gave a pretty good glimps into his mind :)
We were laughing so hard and he was so confused...poor kid had no idea why that would be a funny question. i'm not sure if he accepts the answer, but it was so funny and the family in front of us practically spit to stiffle their laugh!

A little spackle for the cracks.

OK,Ok,ok, I'll take some time to fill a few of the gaps so left by the dutchess. I did get off the plane the morning of our meeting, 11 hours give or take a few minutes. I slightly remember meeting this girl, given that I was still set apart as Elder Thornock, I didn't ensue anything. I actually thought I would need another person to be with me if I dropped by. Funny how it is though, upon arriving home I was ensued by a few others. For those of you who don't know the family at all, my mother Jodi is founder of Little Academy Daycare, (whose now sold and shattered remains cannot compair to the love and devotion children once felt there) and as such employed 11 or so mostly single loving future mothers who were making a living while attending Ricks. One of them happened to catch my friendship and talked me into swimming that Friday with her and some of the ward. My wife's friend came also and I began to see the diverse weaving of college friendships. I'll admit that while Terressa was working on her chemistry I dated, flirted and almost courted a few ladies. Whether it be daughters of international insurance salesmen, long time friends whom whole heartily conversed via letters while overseas, or an attractive 30 something with her two kids, nothing felt right or settled until five months later, this "sportively" dressed girl happened in to a subtle attempt at a getting her Friend to go on a date, caused a distraction to my eye and a stir in my heart. I soon dropped "with care" other potential interests and set a more focused attempt to get to know this creature whom occupied my mind. For the record, only one girl in the mission prep class out of the two actually going on missions didn't know or care for me. The dutchess was a hard one to study almost like she was annoyed at my pursuit. Avoiding my advances, hm mm? that's not the right word, but I'll use it to show my determination to get to know her. It was pretty obvious that we were meant to be without the need to have kiss the girl playing in the background often as we talked. To be honest and open about getting her to sit next to me in the truck, that was an attempt to break down barriers more than anything else. I did work though:) Asking her father's blessing on my proposal was like tracking a bull elk through Idaho wilderness. Just when your ready to get at it, he's gone. Terressa's father Alan, is a man led by the spirit and knows a few things about "hunters". I believe he wasn't ready for this guy to come in and say "Hey, I'm Jake. Please let me steal your daughter away from you." To show the real protection and guidance he gives his children, one day during this excursion I dropped Terressa off at his work and waited while they had a "talk" discussing living and children and education....all of the things a father worries about. Believe me, I have two girls with a third on the way and already worry about them being supported in this world of long haired, swayed by peer trends, disrespecting boys. In my waiting I built up a huge fear about asking him as the real purpose was to ask him this day. I didn't get the chance to that day and if it were not for my mother in law and wife's urgency to get dressed and chase him out back at 6AM, I would of missed the opportunity to ask all together. He was very serious, asked all the questions about supporting, providing, where we would live, etc...and then he admitted defeat by saying "I guess that's OK then". What was a few days of warming up and a few minutes (that seemed like hours), ended up being one of the most influential decisions decisions I'll have ever made. Then on to the engagement. I had many opportunities to ask Terressa to marry me when the moment and all time seamed to stop and wait for me. If grandma Karen had not threatened to beat me if she couldn't be there, I would of popped the question first on the side of the Taylor chapel at sunset, after a "thingy" we were at. She was beautiful and glowing, the light made her eyes glow with entrancing captivity. My heart was full and and all the heavens seemed to hold their breath waiting for that question to be asked. I can still feel that moment when I reflect on it. Sorry Audi, for choosing the public display over then, however now you felt the moment too know how it was for me. The dance was the only choice I had left and I was going crazy. My mom knew that the day was here and asked if I was OK. I am thankful her for the concern or Terressa would of known my expressions right off. First dinner, then the drop her off at the dance. I wanted he to get the night off and others were to keep her there. It almost broke when they caved and said she could go. Thank you for staying there dear. My brother was going to help me with the delivery since I helped him with his. I was supposed to surprise her at work by showing up, convince her to dance with me before the "last fifteen minutes" I was to get the spotlight on us, with the music playing, press send on the phone to signal him to call me back, (this didn't work since the MC building is solid as a rock and phone reception is nilch) he was going to tell her to look on the back of the phone and there she would see the ring, I would fall to one knee. My friend would hand me the mic, and I would deliver my proposal, (I had a poem in my head at that time). What happened was, no returned call, hands sweating, room staring, people waiting, me grabbing the phone thus breaking our dance, pretending to answer and handing it to her. She couldn't get the response and then I said, turn it over and check the battery, she missed the ring cause she was covering it with her finger, (I thought all women could sense jewelry)and had to look again. I almost knelt the first time but she was so quick at giving it back. Then the DJ found a corded mic and didn't have enough line to reach our spot so I couldn't let everyone hear me. I dropped the poem by that point since it sounded odd and all in shambles from violently whirling throughout my mind. It was a good planned day and all were happy. The funniest part was Terressa looking around and saying why are all the ticket ladies watching? I think she knew it was going to happen and hoped it wouldn't if she ignored it. She said Yes, I twirled her and repeated so the crowd would feed us their energy, (as if we weren't shaking already) We called her parents and celebrated by showing everyone. All the details from then on are for her to divulge and I will patch more holes as needed. Interesting to look back and see a different view of things. Thanks for taking the time to read. Big Jake

Engagement

To finish where I left off on Thursday I will tell the story of our engagement. These posts from the past will be longer, if you don't have time, stop now :)

As I mentioned earlier, we dated about a month and then we started talking about marriage. See, when you date in a prominantly LDS community marriage comes up really fast :) We also were able to spend time with each other every single day from our first date on...
I remember one night we were sitting on the lawn (I was still living at Hillcrest) looking at the stars and Jake starts asking questions that are "hypothetical" (yeah, right!?!!) I don't remember all the questions, but they were along the lines of "so, when you get married where do you see yourself getting married?" and "how many children do you want?" and "what's your dream wedding?" and so forth. The only answer I really remember is that I asked him right back how many children he wanted and he quickly answered "a baker's dozen"...I was not sure if it was a joke or if he was serious, so I didn't answer for a second waiting for a laugh or certain look, it never really came, so I just answered, "well, I've always thought around 8 would be good"-thinking well, I am definately not a candidate for him now...13 kids? no way!! then he laughed and said, "I can settle for 8, that sounds good". That is the first time he gave away the hypothetical situation...I knew he was discussing us and just didn't want to be bold :)
I remember after that that I asked him a few times if this meant that we were getting married. He said probably so, but he wanted to meet my family first. Yikes, he was going to base his decision off of that? Now, there is nothing to be ashamed of with my family, but he's marrying me, not them, right? It has taken me 7 years to realize that half of the things that he says are a joke and he doesn't give them away! I took/take things way too seriously and literally!
Well, we finally planned a trip home after I finished classes and could "graduate"-there was no ceremony in the summer, so I just got my diploma in the mail-kind of boring, but hey! it was real! I went home a few days before Jake arrived-I had to take my car home for the family to use and he brought his truck to take me and my stuff back to Rexburg.
I realized shortly before Jake arrived that he would probably ask my dad for permission-this was no ordinary trip home, this was one step closer to eternity we were talking about. My family had never met him, so it was a little strange to bring home my "almost" fiance, when to them he was a real-live boyfriend. Remember I said that I had dated about 5 times in the 2 years I had been at Rick's which means, I never had a boyfriend then or during high school, so this was all a little weird for my family to grasp :)
Jake will have to tell the story of asking dad's permission, but all I remember is that he finally asked dad at 6am when dad was leaving for work on the day we were leaving back to Rexburg...Jake, please fill in the enormous blank.
Apparantly dad gave permission because Jake wasn't as, shall we say, uptight as he was when he arrived. He is an easy going person, not much will deter him or frighten him, but I could tell he was a bit nervous the whole time he was there...who wouldn't be?
So, we went ring shopping shortly after arriving back to Rexburg and I found a few rings that I liked and told him the style I liked, but that I wanted to be surprised, I wanted him to pick it out. He wasn't so keen on that idea. So, from then on I was a little suspicious, but left it to him.
As I mentioned in the last post I worked on campus for dance security, well, this fall (I had moved back to Baronnessa) I was promoted to "Head" Security, so I was required to be at almost every dance to train and supervise the new hires. This particular Friday was the opening social dance the school put on and everyone was scheduled to work, mostly because it was the first dance of the semester and I really had to train and teach the newbees. It was held on the upper fields. A lot of people were there, so we had to be really focused on the job. I went to the training meeting of the newbees and remember specifically telling them that one of the most important rules was that they could not dance during work. If it was slow we could dance the last 15 minutes of the night, but never before! I showed them what their job entailed and to not use the walkie-talkie's for fun, they were strictly for work! During the last 15 minutes all us security were at the back of the crowd and I was standing with Jake and the band, it was a live band that night, asked some guy to come up on the stage and make an announcement...what he did was ask his girlfriend to come up and proposed to her right there in front of everyone, I immediately turned to Jake and told him there was no way I would say yes, if he ever did that-he just laughed. I hoped he understood I was serious!
A few weeks later Jake asked me to dinner before work, which wasn't too incredibly out of the ordinary, but kind of. He took me to Gringo's-I love mexican food (we usually got something more fast food :)). It was so yummy. I remember wondering why he was being so weird. It almost seemed like he was forcing himself to talk, but I didn't think much of it. I just ate and talked and actually had food in my stomach before work. He dropped me off at work and said he would try to come back later if he could get the projects done that his mom wanted-that was not a normal response at all, but again I didn't catch it. I went to a work meeting and again reminded the workers that they could not dance until the end of the night (we were having a problem with this).
After the night started and we got the crowds in I remember asking if I could leave early that night. I had finally realized there was something weird going on with Jake and I wanted to make sure he was okay. I was given permission to leave early and so I called Jake. He told me that I should just stay at work because he wasn't even home and wouldn't be until after he picked me up for the night, so I was stuck and not sure why I was feeling a little blue. Well, I went back to work and just enjoyed the night-it was always interesting to watch how people danced and especially how/who would be dancing and who wouldn't. We assisted the ticket ladies as part of the job and since I had worked over a year as dance security I had become really good friends with some of them and that night my favorite lady was there; we called her Grandma Karen, we knew very few of the last names of these ladies.
She loved Jake and kept asking when he was coming, I told her not at all-he had some work to do, but if she stayed til the end she would see him. She could tell I was a little down that night and encouraged me to spend some time in the actual ball room and get into the music a little. I tried but the music was irritating that night, so I spent more time chatting with her-she could always make me laugh! I think about an hour passed-it felt like five! and I was talking to Grandma Karen when someone put their hands over my eyes and whispered in my ear to guess who it was. I was a little frightened to just guess so I turned around and there was Jake all freshly showered and looking so handsome. I was so excited to see him the night totally changed.
Jake had spent a lot of time at work with me so he knew a lot of the ticket ladies and DJ's and even some co-workers that he left me with Grandma Karen and went and chatted with all the ones that he knew and shortly came back, nothing odd. We went into the ballroom-it was time to trade with one of the newbees and he tries to dance with me-he knew the rules too and never really tried to push it, but this night he was! I finally went to talk to Grandma Karen and she suggested that I just have one dance. I told her I would love to, but I had just laid reminded the newbees that it was totally forbidded and that would be totally wrong! She said she'd take care of them-and she would too ;)
I told Jake there was no way I would dance until the end of the night and he would just have to wait another hour and a half! He would not take no for an answer. I went back into the ballroom to do my rounds and all of a sudden our song comes on, "you'll be in my heart" from Tarzan. They never played that song, weird. Then Jake comes and gets me to dance, I resist, but he whispers that he talked to my boss (who I thought was in his office, he usually was at this time) and that he agreed I could dance this song if we danced in the middle of the dance floor with the spotlight-okay, something fishy going on, but I agreed. We dance, he sings in my ear and I start to notice that the crowd has stopped dancing and that they are circling around us watching, I even noticed the ticket ladies at the doorways (they never did that) and all the security people standing there as well-Jake seems oblivious to this, so I just brush it aside as my imagination.
All of a sudden he tells me that I have a call on his cell phone-what? who would call me on his phone on a Friday? I try to answer, but no one is there. He tells me to look on the back and make sure the battery didn't fall out or something. (I was not familiar with cell phones at all, I had no idea where to look plus it was in a case, so how could the battery fall out anyway?) I didn't see anything and gave the phone back-he hands it back and tells me something is stuck to the clip and that I needed to get it off for him. I look down and there is a sparkly ring attached to the clip. I look at it, look at him, notice the crowd and the next thing I know he has the phone in his hand, ring in his fingers and he's on one knee in the middle of the dance floor and everyone is watching us. I do not remember the words he said, but I do remember him asking me to marry him and I remember shaking so badly he couldn't put the ring on I had to do it just to steady my hands and that I whispered yes and someone from the crowd yelled that they didn't hear an answer. He stands up, picks me up in a huge hug, twirls me around and yells, "she said YES!" they all cheered and I don't remember much else except taking his phone and calling my parents and telling them that he just proposed and I had a ring on my finger. I remember leaving work early because my boss looked at me and said "I see you are not going to be able to focus on much, get out of here." I remember going to his house where his parents and siblings are all waiting to see how it went, of course they knew it was happening and I finally realize why he was acting weird all night!
Oh man, it really happened and I was engaged to the most handsome, sought after guy in the ward! I never thought I would ever have a boyfriend, let alone get married this early-I was barely 20. I remember shaking the whole night and asking if it really happened and then looking at my hand and seeing a shiny sparkly ring, that I had picked out and he had gotten by himself!
I was on cloud 9 and completely in love! I couldn't wait to tell everyone I knew!

Dentist

What a brave girl. Kayelynn had a dentist appointment a few weeks ago to get her teeth cleaned and she did awesome! However, we found out she had a pretty deep cavity on her back molar so her appointment was scheduled for this afternoon.
When we got there she decided that she wanted me to go back with her (all the while we were planning on Jake going back there...took us by surprise). She got to have the funny gas or whatever it's called and they said she'd look like an elephant, she did not like that idea at all, but was brave and let them put it on her. Then they gave her the numbing cream, which they called sleepy tooth medicine-she thought that was strange, but went with it.
The doctor told her to put her hands on her tummy and not let her belly button move-she did really good at keeping track of her belly button. After the doctor massaged her lips to get the numbing cream to work he gave her three shots-I could tell be her expression that she was more concerned with what the tool was that they were using than the feeling of it-which relieved me because I wasn't so sure the numbing cream was working yet.
They then put a "trampoline" on her tooth-the big blue guard so they see just the tooth they are working on, that is the only time I saw her flinch even a little and it was because of the strange pressure put on her tooth than anything. The doctor kept telling her she was being such a big helper and they he was so proud of her. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was happy for that! She was done really fast-didn't cry at all!
She got up from having the happy gas and she was a little loopy, but it wore off quickly. She was really interested in the huge feel of her mouth that she kept trying to knaw through her cheek and tongue, but I kept reminding her that it would really hurt when her lips woke up. She stopped shortly after that.
About 3 hours later she came into the kitchen asking me to look at her lips because they were so big-I quickly remembered that to her they felt big, but I reminded her that it was her lips waking up and it would feel funny. She just kept pulling at her lips, it was pretty comical!
She is just a brave girl-she is usually shy and quick with emotion, but today she was really brave and did what she was told in a heartbeat! I am so proud of her!
(I told you I couldn't promise that the kids wouldn't be included this month :)).

It's MAY!!!

This month I am dedicating almost every post (I say that because I can't promise I won't sneak in some kid stuff too :)) to my wonderful husband Jake! He has accomplished so much and I want to highlight his achievements and his life this month. He will graduate next week with his LPN and will celebrate his birthday on the 24th, so what better time than to dedicate some words to him?

I have decided that since this is pretty much my journal of sorts that I will go back in time with some of these posts just so I can have it in writing when I eventually make this into a book.

This first "Jaker" dedicated post is about our courtship--warning, this will be long, as I said it's to preserve memories and I don't want to leave much detail out, so you can stop reading now if you don't have a few minutes :)

I first met Jake in February of 2001. I always met my friend, MeDynn, after religion since we had it at the same time and rarely got to see each other. This particular day she was accompanied by a guy-who honestly I didn't remember his name after she introduced him. She was the type to always have a boyfriend so I automatically assumed it was one of her new boyfriend's even though she said he was visiting the class with his brother. (come to find out later it was the same day he had returned home from his mission, no wonder he was acting a little on the weird side).
The housing unit that I lived in for the fall and winter semesters did not rent to students in the summer because of EFY, so I needed to move-I decided to move up in the same housing unit as MeDynn and see her a little more often (she was the girl that I came to Rick's with and wanted to be able to spend my last semester at Ricks with her). I moved to Hillcrest Apartments in May and lived in the apartment behind MeDynn. During that first month of summer term (there were 3 5-week terms to equal one summer semester) I was so anxious to be done with school that I didn't really try to involve myself like I had in the past semesters, so on the weekends MeDynn and I would make excuses to be out of town (we were from the same home town) so as not have to really participate too much at church :) (I know that is not the way it should have been, but we did it anyway).
Eventually we got tired of being gone, so after that first month I finally went to my student ward in Rexburg and met the bishop and people in the ward that my roommates had been talking about. Well, I looked over and saw this guy and immediately asked MeDynn who it was...she said he was Jake and was really funny...something seemed familiar, but I didn't know what...well, MeDynn had been going to the mission prep class and since it was actually my first Sunday there I just tagged along and lo and behold this Jake fella was the teacher...a little weird, since I wasn't really there to "prepare" for a mission as 2 people were...the rest were girls that all had crushes on him and only went to the class to be closer to him. I quickly came to the conclusion that he was a very cocky and arrogant person-I did not want anything to do with him, albeit I was intriged by his mannerisms.
Throughout that first block I pretty much stayed away from him. He was known to visit our housing unit almost on a daily basis and visit all the girls that he knew (which was pretty much each apartment in the ward).
The next block I was in a chemistry class (I know who would take Chemistry 105 in 5-weeks, well, someone who wanted to graduate and get out of Rexburg!) and it was kicking my trash, so I pretty much called my mom everyday crying and telling her that I just didn't know if I would be graduating and that I hated it here. She kept telling me to get involved more in the ward and that things would work out. So I decided to start doing Tae-Bo to get all me stresses out.
One afternoon I went to MeDynn's to get her to come with me (yes, I didn't do Tae-Bo alone) and her door was open so I just walked in, well her and Jake were sitting on the couch and there was a bouquet of flowers sitting there...um, talk about awkward, I could totally tell they were in a serious conversation and here I am in shorts and a t-shirt looking ready to kick butt. What immediately hit me was that I was jealous and I got mad at myself-what did I care, he was arrogant and he liked MeDynn! So I left and went for a very long run up to the water tower instead! Within the week our FHE group had changed and I found out that MeDynn would be staying in my group, but the local boys were added which meant that Jake was in it-okay, I decided I was officially boycotting FHE now too!! I learned that he was a CNA at the local nursing home and that he didn't get off until 8pm, so he would rarely be making it to FHE-I went anyway, my roommates were new freshman and I couldn't be that negative about FHE.
First week he didn't show, whew. Next week, we are in Rigby area and doing skits, just as we are about to start he comes in-okay I start sweating because I have to remind myself that I don't like him-he's too cocky. I survived. The next week we are having a movie night outside in Sugar City-I kicked and screamed and swore that if he showed up I would be walking home. Well, I am in the house popping popcorn for everyone and getting things ready while they figure out how to get the TV to work and things are just fine. I come out with the last bowl of popcorn and see my roommates staring me down, I look around and there he is in the back of the group just laughing with his buddies, so I sit by my roommates and pretend he isn't there.
The movie starts and they all of a sudden have to "move to see better" which leave me sitting right in front of him all alone! I was so mad, but I didn't want to make a scene so I just sit there. Next thing I know he's sitting next to me trying to make small talk and get me laughing at the movie, which was funny, but I couldn't get myself to laugh-he was making my heart beat so dang fast! After the movie, he asked if he could drive me home, I said no, my roommates left me, so I ended up having to ride home with him and the little stinker conned his way into having me sit right next to him in his truck! Holy cow! I was boiling mad at my roommates and at the same time totally on cloud 9 because he was paying attention to me and not the other girls I thought he was interested in! We got home and talked with some mutual friends and then I stomped home and tried to yell at my roommates but instead was so giddy I didn't know what to do. I had one engaged roommate (Jen) at the time and she looked at me and said, I think you're falling for him, you're going to marry him by the end of the year. Whatever!
Well, the next week (the end of June) Jake's brother got married (the same one he was visiting in February in religion class) and MeDynn was the photographer at the reception. The reception was in their backyard. I had to work that night (I was a dance security person), but on my way to work MeDynn called me to bring something she had forgotten. I hurried there dressed up (not knowing anyone, but MeDynn) gave her the thing she needed and tried to bolt away, but instead Jake followed me to the front yard and took me back into the backyard for a picture with some friends that had just shown up that were from the ward and during the picture he put his arm around my waist and I about fainted! I know that his family saw (especially his brother) and not one of them knew who I was or why he was touching me that way! I bolted for the gate! What to think now, huh? Well, I think that I was hooked by then.
He left for a week to the reception in Texas and I actually missed him the entire week. One night (in early July) we were having a movie night in the lounge and I figured he was still out of town and I was not interested to see the movie (Matrix-not my kind of show) anyway, so I was leaving to go "study" Chemistry (I didn't get anything in that class that was taught!) and he walks in. I about melted. I started to leave and he invites me to sit by him on the couch in the very back, I agreed insisting it be for just a minute. Well, a minute turned into the entire show and during that time he held my hand and asked me out for the next night.
It was a Thursday night and we went to a movie-in fact it was Gone in 60 seconds-come to find out he is obsessed with cars. I actually watched the movie and enjoyed it, but I think it was because he was the one sitting next to me. Now, you need to know, in the two years I had been at Ricks I had been on maybe 5 dates and they were all lame. This one had my heart beating so fast I don't think I said anything that made any sense at all. I called my mom the next day and told her I knew who I was going to marry and that we would be getting married soon (even though he didn't know it yet).
We ended up going out every Thursday night after that and he would come visit me on his lunch break at my apartment every afternoon. I managed to pull a D in Chemistry and by this time didn't even care because I just had to graduate and that was good enough! Jake would visit me every time I worked, which was almost every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night. In fact one night he brought me a flower just to have an excuse to see me. The next block I was in American Heritage-with the most boring teacher in all the world and managed to pull a C-, but again didn't care because Jake was there to make things all better.
He was quite the ladies man and the girls were so mad that the "new girl" would be the one to date him. They had all been fighting for his attention since he got home from his mission in February-needless to say, I was not very popular at all in the ward, but I didn't care. He actually liked me and it was nice to have someone care about me! My birthday is in the summer and my birthday present from him was my first kiss-I am pretty sure that I melted right then and there and knew for sure, without a doubt we would be getting married. I know that sounds super sappy, but that is how I felt and I was on cloud 9 from then on!!!
We dated for about a month and we started talking marriage, but that is for another post.
Jake-thanks for sweeping me off my feet! I am so glad I followed my mom's advice and got a little more involved in the ward by actually attending Sunday meetings and not totally boycotting FHE! Oh and honey, if you see that I missed some details or you feel you want to tell your side of the story, feel free :)