Do you ever think you should be doing something more than you are? or teaching your children something you're not? or creating something you haven't? I have had a really fried brain these last few weeks-pretty much since school has been out. My daily rountine is all messed up and the ages of my children are such that there are times when we must be home for the little ones to nap while the older ones just want to continue playing all day and it really causes some serious noise and commotion! I cannot figure out what it is that I should be doing, you know that nagging feeling that there's just something you should complete, but you have no idea what it is??! (maybe it's just me).
Because of this, for some reason, I've had some serious personal reflection. How do I measure up? How can I improve? and on and on. After reading a friend's blog recently I was startled by how much it affected me and hence why I haven't posted...I am me and I should be proud of it, my circumstances are mine and I shouldn't compare them, my talents are mine and I shouldn't be afraid to share them, my blog is MY blog and I should use it how I intended. (lesson #1)
I have improved and learned and created talents and traits to help me be a better person. I have created this blog to share the aspects of my life that I feel like sharing, that I care about and that represent my family and me! I do not need to improve it or make it less personal for the sake of those that read it...I have a really hard time letting go of the fact that I need to "impress" others. (I do not take the "Jones'" approach on this, I just feel I must shine a little bit...maybe it's because it's nice to feel like you are worth more than the stigma of "stay-at-home-mom" society portrays-I don't know). (lesson #2)
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing "important" to post because I'm not creative with words or savvy with the technology at my fingertips. But I know that whatever I do during my day should be in helping my family-if I don't post for 1 week, 2 months or 1 year (although I don't think I could go that long :)) it's because I am raising my children to be strong members of the Church and positive examples in our society!!
I have recently found this quote and it's become a daily mantra of sorts (I've shared it once before):
"As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think about your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey."
-Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I still haven't figured out what "it" is that needs to be done in my life, but as least I've figured out some other things-yes it's probably taken me longer than the average person, but if feels good to know I've learned something.
Last night I hosted a girls' night of food and games/prizes and laughter. It was great to connect with friends and chat, but I noticed late into the night that I was a little more reserved than normal. I was deeply reflecting on if, how, and why I fit in-I don't go too over the top when it comes to these nights (my imagination can, but my budget can't). Food is what I enjoy planning, creating, and sharing-but would they like it?? Prizes for the games would be something that I love and something that I created by hand-with many, many flaws-would they be okay with that?? I was getting discouraged by the beauty of the women around me and the "things" they had in life that are apparantly missing in mine-all in comparison to myself. I went to bed still reflecting on these things and when I awoke I realized that although I may never be in the same economic standing, hold the same looks, or own the same things, I am still a daughter of God that can and will fit in.
I teach this to my children all the time, but somehow haven't applied it personally; we are individuals because we were created that way. We will never look, act, or be like someone else and it's O.K.!! (lesson #3) Although I felt discouraged because of "things" last night, I truly enjoyed myself and opening my home to women that I have shared years of memories with and truly admire and appreciate.
I know I have somewhat rattled on, for any of you that may have read the entire post, but I feel that I should share what is in my heart. I am grateful for the friends and family that care enough about me to show there love and support. I am grateful for a husband that provides for our family, despite the difficulties of the world. I am grateful mostly, for my knowledge and the ability I have to teach my children of those truths I hold dear of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
5 years ago
10 comments:
Thanks Terressa! You're amazing and I love ya like a sis! I'm sorry I missed last night. I threw myself a pity party and ate a huge bowl of popcorn and watched a movie, just me and Penny!
It's always good to know that we all have these moments. I've had many times when I get down because I decide there is no reason my friends should be my friends. They all bounce back to their size 2 jeans after babies, (I didn't fit in that size before) They all LOVE to shop, they all have money to shop. Our worlds are different. Then I realize that they still call me! Maybe not for their shopping weekends in Portland, but that's fine with me! I'll just be their fat friend. Everyone has to have one! And when I say FAT friend, that's a healthy size 8. I thought that was normal, but not in this world! Okay, now I rambled, sorry!
I have honestly been going through these same reflections in the past few months. I don't know why we all feel like we're failing or like the other person is better, I suppose it's part of our nature and what we need to learn to master, but that doesn't make it less frustrating. I think recognizing it is half the battle, and I also think a lot more people than you think struggle to figure it out too. Justin gave me a new book called Contentment by Maria Covey Cole...I loved it so much I'm already reading it again, it really put things into perspective,and made me feel good about what I'm doing. you should consider reading it. love you!
Terressa I just love you!
You are more Amazing and Talented than you give yourself credit.
Thank you so much for the fun, fun,fun evening last night. I'm still totally bummed I didn't win one of those Darling aprons:)
Dinner was DELICIOUS!!!! Thanks for your post.
thank you once again for a wonderful reminder of what is truly important. I've been struggling with this alot as well, and it's nice to see someone in the same boat but who has gone the extra step and is figuring things out. It's more important to live life than try to impress others. And to teach our children that same thing. Thanks so much for all the other lessons in your post.
I always enjoy reading your posts. They are always humbling to me and make me strive to be a better person. You are amazing. I am inspired by the type of mother you are and hope that I can be a great to my children. I love the quote by Sister Hinckley. Thank you for being so honest in your post and allowing all of us to reflect along with you. You definitely have your priorities straight in life and are such a great example.
Wow. I feel like you took all the jumbled up things I have been feeling lately and organized them on paper - well, a screen. I had no idea someone else might have all those same thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I feel like I should just copy and paste it onto my blog. Thank you for helping me sort through some of my mess. Our minds must think alot alike - maybe we should spend more time together!
good lessons learned-thanks for sharing!
Wow! I got goosebumps reading your post as it made me think about life and motherhood. It sounds like you are doing a great job as a mother and wife and how good for you to reflect on that. You have a lot to be proud of. Thanks for sharing and making me think and be grateful for life and how individual we each are.
The counsel to "just be you" sounds so simple and yet I too struggle with it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with such honesty. It helps me to be brave enough to be honest with myself instead of the crowd pleaser - which is something that I've been working on. It is so wonderful to have a friend that I can be a bit more my(real)self with!
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